LAHORE — Angels assigned to monitoring moral-husbandry compliances have reported an ongoing operational setback after discovering that a local woman each evening has been converting into a different belief system which contain no angels, supernatural enforcement mechanisms, or any metaphysical penalties.
According to elders and relatives familiar with the going-ons of the woman’s bedroom, the woman’s nightly conversions began as a temporary measure intended to “buy time” when she had had a long day. By sunrise, she would return to her original faith, citing her “…renewed clarity…”.
But according to angelic sources involved with the matter, “…trouble is on our side and for us the difficulty arises every which night when her husband requires relations, and she simply converts out of this belief-system just as we’re compiling disciplinary measures”. The sources added, “We finalize the ten-thousand-curse payload…” one angel said, “…and then receive confirmation that Mrs. Zulfi no longer believes in us. We are very strict about jurisdiction. No belief, no authority. But that isn’t to say that we don’t feel the betrayal…”.
The woman’s nightly transitions, which reportedly last until morning, have rendered curses, condemnations, and warnings procedurally invalid. Angelic officials said this has led to declining morale and a backlog of unused damnations.
Clerics contacted for comment offered differing views. Some said the strategy constituted a loophole. Others said it constituted effort, which should be acknowledged. However none agreed upon the angel count.
Roznama Javani did not contact the husband because he did not matter for this story. At press time, Mrs. Zulfi was reported to be reviewing more belief systems with shorter onboarding processes, citing fatigue and a desire for “earlier nights”.
