Faisalabad — In an unprecedented move, the Almighty decided yesterday morning to help a local infidel with his quest to find his car keys. It is being said that the infidel who was getting late for work in the morning faced towards heavens and asked for a sign that the Big Guy exists. Details have also revealed that major monotheistic religions’ followers have felt a pang of disappointment in their respective God.
Investigation in to the matter by Roznama Jawani revealed that the infidel living in Faisalabad who is also curiously named Faisal Abad had lost his car keys after partying really hard the night before. Though it was discovered that there were no intoxicants involved in the aforementioned hard partying, the attendees were high and drunk on life and were actually celebrating birth of another fellow athiest’s infidel offspring. Some of the attendees of the party and Mr. Faisal Abad himself spoke with us, “…she showed us pictures of his cute little baby and all I could think about was ‘awwww such an adorable infidel’”, said a heavily mustached Mr. Qayiem, a mutual friend of Mr. Abad and the new proud parent.
Further investigations in the matter have revealed that after the uncreatively named Mr. Abad came back home, he was too tired to notice where he was putting his car keys and went to bed without thinking about God like he does every night. And when in the morning Mr. Abad was unable to find his car keys and getting late for work, he faced towards the sky and said that if there was a God he would help Mr. Abad in finding his car keys and instantly, Mr. Abad’s 2 year old child produced the keys she had been playing with. Many in Faisalabad and around the world have deemed this as a sign indeed from God.
God’s decision to help the infidel though has created a stir amongst followers of monotheistic religions all over the world and in some circles has also resulted in disappointment. Speaking with Roznama Jawani the spokesman for the “Council of All Monotheistic Religions Except Judaism” in Pakistan (CAMREJ) said that it was very obvious that Mr. Abad was just lucky. “God cannot help infidels. That’s what we have believed in for thousands of years and that’s how it will be for the next thousands.” The spokesman Mr. Jahangir Asad said while combing his beard with his fingers.
He further said that God probably wanted to help the little child by helping him keep away from her infidel parent. “You know how these atheists are, right? They have no values and will probably raise the child without morals. I’ll change my name if she doesn’t grow up to become a stripper. Isn’t that what all infidels do?”, asked Mr. Asad.
