We, Are, Roznama Javani.
We are news leaders of the world across multiple parallel universes and also the afterlife. Roznama Javani is the most acclaimed, greatly followed, immensely loved and blindly trusted source of news and other informations which you may, or may not have known, or needed, previously, or currently. Virtually having been existed long before Adam and Eve, making it the oldest publication and harbinger of truth, modesty, justice, and shame. With readership present in this life, purgatory, and the afterlife, Roznama Javani yields the power and respect of mythological gods, yet as delicate a responsibility as the feather of Ma’at. And as our collective Uncle Ben said just before he was eviscerated by a madman,
“With great power, comes great responsibility”. — Uncle Ben
Yes Uncle Ben, we at Roznama Javani understand it now.
Roznama Javani has caused through its immaculate and sincere reporting a direct influence on thousands of our workers as now they’re able to afford comfortable meals. None of our workers’ mother is a widow anymore, nor their sisters are blind and unmarried. We take pride in our workforce, including but not limited to the reporters, the editors, the financiers, the mail-person (it’s a man), the drivers, the homeless reporters, the underage child labour in Africa pulling out precious minerals from the womb of mother Earth by their tender and delicate hands for the common benefit of Roznama Javani, the tech-world in general, and specially Elon Musk.
We are “Reporters sans Limites” — Reporters without Boundaries.
Our headquarters is in International waters which we have gracefully claimed as ours beforehand as eventually it would’ve been pushed upon us to take care of. We are now a sovereign nation known as “The Independent Kingdomship of Roznama Javani”. We forbid whale hunting and have trained baby seals to kamikaze any poachers’ unholy vessels. This is our sea now.
We hereby name all international waters as The Independent Kingdom Sultanate of Roznama Javani.
We believe in flexible gender roles. A woman can be a great car mechanic as long she is an undercover man. Similarly, an undercover man posing as a woman can do virtually anything because of additional power of female seduction. Our manly work environment creates a protective shield around our female workers like a mother hen protects its babies.
We
Are
Roznama Javani
.
