Staff Reporter — Islamabad — Months of weapon-exchange negotiation between the governments of Turkey and Pakistan came to a fruitful head late last evening when the Turkish government announced its intent to deliver 15 MIG fighter planes to Pakistan by the end of December 2011. According to Butrous Dervish, senior Turkish minister for Weapon Technologies, “These planes are one of a kind custom built planes that employ a unique attack mechanism- they come equipped with high frequency Bose speakers that sound off the curse “fuck you” when switched on. The pilot has a volume and decibel meter which allows for real time adjustments, allowing us to attack our targets with pinpoint precision. We also threw in an ‘echo’ control for some dramatic effect.”
However, some Pakistani military aides remain unconvinced that it would work in a rural setting. “In a lot of the remote villages and rural areas, the people don’t understand the word “fuck”. Until and unless the mechanism comes equipped with regional language adaptability, we won’t see meaningful results.” says Brig. Babar Khan.
Concerns were also raised regarding the validity of the Turkish claims of “minimal collateral damage” by several military strategists who maintain “How can you even tell the sirens are for you? What if someone happens to be in the sound radius and is bombarded with these profanities? The psychological damage can take years to wear off, or worse, be irreparable”.
The Pakistani intelligence authorities have discussed the issue with the Turkish engineers and explained that since they’re putting all the nations money in these planes and hence educating the masses would be impossible, they should look in to added local and specially regional curses. The Pakistani authorities however confirmed that if the Turkish engineers install the requested region options in the planes, they would increase the tax rates to collect funds to pay the Turkish engineers for their extra work.
