KARACHI — Mayor Murtaza Wahab on Tuesday clarified that Karachi’s crumbling roads, overflowing gutters, broken sidewalks, and general post apocalyptic aesthetic are not the result of decades of mismanagement, corruption, or institutional decay, but rather a highly coordinated campaign of negative propaganda designed to make the city look exactly like it does.
Speaking at a press conference held next to a road that appeared to be actively dissolving, the mayor assured reporters that Karachi is, in principle, functioning perfectly.
“What you are seeing is not reality…”, Wahab said, gesturing toward a visible open sewer. “This is perception. And perception, unfortunately, has been weaponized…”.
According to the mayor, hostile elements are exaggerating minor cosmetic issues. “Every great city has challenges…” he added. “Some cities have traffic. Some have pollution. Karachi has narrative problems”.
City officials expanded on the claim, explaining that potholes only appear dangerous because of camera angles and garbage looks excessive due to selective photography and citizens’ absurd insistence on noticing them every day. A senior municipal advisor stated that if residents stopped posting photos, complaining, or leaving their homes, Karachi would immediately rank among the world’s most livable cities. “Silence is a virtue, isn’t it?”, he said.
The mayor further argued that media, PTI and PML-N and MQM and JUI workers, and ungrateful citizens have conspired to undermine Karachi’s global image by repeated negative remarks. “Why don’t they focus on the positives?” he asked. “For example, the resilience people show while stepping over sewage”. The mayor immediately clarified that the sewage he mentioned was imaginary but the resilience it was teaching Karachi citizens was as real as his ability to manage the city.
When asked whether negative propaganda also caused rainwater to remain on roads for weeks, Wahab responded that waterlogging is a sign of inclusivity. “The roads are sharing space with water…” he said. “…but this all is still just your imagination. In reality, there is no water”.
Residents reacted with cautious optimism. “I feel relieved knowing my broken suspension is imaginary”, said one motorcyclist while being pulled out of a crater. “I will inform my spine that it has fallen for propaganda.”
At press time, the mayor announced a new initiative to combat negativity by discouraging citizens from looking down, looking around, or remembering how cities are supposed to function.
