Okara – According to news coming from a neighborhood in Okara, a man reported that a horror story told to him by one of his friends has had a weird chilling effect on his nipples. The man named Haneef, who now has uncontrollably cold and erect nipples, said that the story scared the bejeezuz out of his wits. Haneef’s friend is said to have made up the story all by himself which on further investigation proved to be a blatant lie.
The details of the shocking event described by eye witnesses sketch it as “…one of the most painful things Haneef has gone through”. Witness reports detail the event by elaborating on the context of the experience. The story, which Roznama Jawani later figured out, sounded more like Veena Malik’s latest music video, was described, and told by Haneef’s friend Choudhry Naveed Umar.
Complete specifics of the event are still unavailable but according to Haneef, the horror story has had a permanent effect on him and particularly his nipples. Speaking with Roznama Jawani reporter, he said, “…and then when he described the evil witch in the story and her evil attempts at luring innocent boys in to her web of evil, I felt this chill running up and down my spine and then it penetrated the rest of my body, giving me goose-bumps and now my nipples are permanently erect.”
Haneef’s ice-cold nipples ready to cut glass
He further added that the sensation was now getting uncomfortable for him and his spouse as well. “I tried to sleep last night and asked my wife to hug me, but she ended up with scratches on her breasts because of my now ice-cold, solid as rock man-teats.” Haneef refused to let the reporter investigate his spouse’s breasts for confirmation of scratches.
Haneef blames his friend Choudhry Naveed Umar for destroying his public life as well. He said that he is fond of wearing tight t-shirts which now show the two small protrusions clearly poking out. “…people look at me in a bizarre way now and I am getting unwanted attention from the gay community.” Reportedly one of the members of the local gay community asked Haneef if he iced his nips before leaving home.
Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have decided to look in to Haneef’s condition. One of the leading researchers at the institute has suggested telling Haneef another chilling horror story in order to reverse the process of nipplo-errectus. The researcher said, “…perhaps the recent failure of Romney to win the US presidential election would do the trick.”
