Karachi — Housewives from all over the city have been arriving at Jinnah Hospital and at the Agha Khan Hospital claiming to have suffered panic attacks and similar stress-induced syndromes due to an overload of choices in cooking programs. A Roznama Jawani reporter reports one victim as saying “There were just too many! Should I watch Posh Rosh or Chef Nadeem… he has such a nice mustache!”
Victims were further disheartened by how all the ladies seem to be so well groomed. “With their straightened hair, and their well manicured nails and their perfect, prefect lives!” wailed Mrs. Ansari as a concerned medical professional tried to connect her to various machines that didn’t look particularly safe.
The concern seems mainly pointed at how any person could possibly cook an entire meal. “Sometimes they cook THREE-course meals! Now you tell me how is that possible in 40 minutes?” Mrs. Ansari added just before they put her under. Another hysterical housewife Begum Savera demanded an investigation in to these cooking shows. She spoke with Roznama Jawani reporter and demanded to know how these cooking show hosts cooked everything on the show without:
1. Having their hair tied up in a tight and un-sexy-as-hell bun
2. An underage kaam-wallah
3. Chopping onions
4. Tears
5. Sweat
6. Losing their make up
7. Forgetting to make the rice/ roti until everyone is sat the dinner table
8. Watching a cooking show
9. Calling their mothers
10. Changing their clothes atleast twice
11. Yelling at maasis
“Do you know how many times I’ve caught my husband eyeing the maid while I was in the kitchen looking like Steven Tyler preparing food for him? Once, he asked me to cook whatever Charlie Sheen was cooking in his cooking show!”
While there are concerns about the growing number of food channels or channels showing food programs, other viewers are not so violently affected by the programming. “I like to watch,” says Mr. Suhrwardy “It helps me to imagine what having someone who actually knows how to cook in my house would feel like”. His family stood silently behind him and Mr. Ansari nearby imperceptibly nodded his head then glanced at his comatose wife. Mr. Ansari added, “It was the billboards that hooked me to these shows. I mean the way they present the hosts on them, they look so tasty. No wait I mean the food looks tasty. hehe”.
We at Roznama Jawani hope that the families of those affected receive all the support they deserve.
